Forbidden Dreams [Sounds depressing, get over it]

new journal account..

Sun, 17 Dec 2006 16:03:49 GMT

hey ppls.
just tellin you i have a new journal account...
http://clandesperatine.livejournal.com
add me
stalk me
just whatever =)
i have the perdifulest layout on the new account =D.

Sighs

Thu, 23 Nov 2006 16:18:23 GMT

I hate them.
I really do.
What I can't understand is why the hell they're mad at me in the first place,
i haven't done anything to them yet,
so why barricade me with dirty looks?
Looks that when I see, I'll raise my eyebrow
and shrug in return.
That's the response they want right?
Not.
They're egotistical, they think because they might
know the reaction of others,
that they're freakin' god.
But guess what?
Reality's back!
And YOUR NOT GOD.

Wow.
I can't believe I said the G word two times.
Me being an Athiest and all..
Anyway... its 11:07 and I've been messing around with the Flash player paint thing and trying to figure out what went wrong with my thing.
All of a sudden, this bitch..
who's been well... a bitch for the past two months,
is all 'Ashhhhhh..." in this really nice and quiet voice.
Doesn't she think I realize that tone?
That it means she's trying to use me?
Does she really think I'm that naive?
Meh.
Who cares.

I have to stay in at lunch to fix this video we did for cyber arts tech class....
im wondering when i'll be able to eat..
@__@

11:11

*sigh*

Ive been thinking and I may have lost my writing touch.
I've been comparing my newer work to the old,
and i've noticed that my older work is more than slightly better.
I dont know what to do anymore...
I feel helpless.
Maybe I need a psychiatrist.
...
That'd be funny..
I'm a shrink for my friends..
and I need a shrink myself.
god... im an idiot =)

11:13...
pleeeeasee let this class be over soon.
its so boring.

*Boys will be boys, baby, boys will be boys*
sorry.
i have panic! at the disco stuck in my head...
well actually i was just listening to it...

I should really stop filling my journal with really...
meaningless entries.
They're always so random..
and sometimes they're boring.
Then again...
who actually reads my journal =P

11:15
Five minutes/
YES.

gahh..
I lost my usb cord for my mp3,
and mine is smaller than the regular, so i cant borrow anyone's..
and god! i have so many songs to add to it..
but I can't and i feel so like stupid without the music..
@___@
my brain is melting without the new stuff.
c'mon! i need some insparation....

well imma go now.
byes.
11:17

Cyber Arts Class again... =S

Wed, 22 Nov 2006 16:18:20 GMT

Once again...
I'm in cyber arts technology class..
we're still making those damned flash movies..
im too lazy to start of one..
plus i have no idea what its gonna be about yet...
meh...
Listening To Jesus Of Suburbia, By Green Day.
That song really rocks..
but Whatshername is my fave..

ANYWAY!
I felt so incredibly sick this morning,
my head was aching,
my throat was scratchy,
and my nose was pained and stuffy.
and I feel so tired.
I could seriously fall asleep anywhere.
man i really should start sleeping earlier.

*yawn*
10:24
~__~

Yesterday, I finally got one of my wives (Cookie!) to get a myspace account,
and omg.
I found her the perfect layout,
it's so effing kewl...
I put pictures and everything,
and for some reason, I'm under her 'heroes' list.
Why?
Because apparently, I inspire her writting wise,
and because without me, she would've quit a long time ago...
=/
I feel really flattered.
I love my cookie =D.

MY COOKIES MYSPACE! CLICKY HERE

Go check it out.
It wont kill you ^_~
or at least i think it wont.

10: 50...
man.
im hungry.
...
at lunch we're going to have a teacher auction!!
Lol.
It's to raise money for the United Way.
We auction off a teacher, and bid on him,
and he offer's something he'll do.
Like for example.
My teacher will dress up as spider man =D.
For an entire day.
Man.
I want to see that.
><
I forgot all my money and I only brought a dollar.
So since my friend has $10,
we'll just say 11$
I canntt wait..
=)

*yawwn*
Im still really tired.
I think i'll try to write... ><

"I just wanted to see if it was really you." Mikey said softly, handing me the thin piece of paper in his hand.

I grabbed it away with a glare and turned away.

"It was... nice seeing you again, but I really have to-" I stopped suddenly and my eyes widened.

What a coincidence that Mikey would be around here the same time I was supposed to pick up a band?

"Oh hell no..." I muttered under my breath as a hand placed itself on my shoulder.

I glanced back at Mikey hesitantly.

"Are you okay?" He asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"I'm fine... you must be the band I'm supposed pick up, aren't I?" I asked him quietly.

"I guess so." He shrugged.

I groaned and motioned for him to follow me as he called the rest of the band. I could hear them whispering behind me, in hushed voices. They were obviously talking about me, but I ignored it, and kept walking.

I opened the door to my office and showed them in.

"James told me to wait for him before I could do anything..." I said, shifting around. "So make yourselves comfortable."

>>

I don't like that scene..
it seems weird.
it needs more work.
its only 11:11
nine more minutes. yay...
*sigh* stupid little red friend is still here.
aaooww.... my hands are cold..

>>

NEW SCENE.

The lights were dimmed as Rylee walked into the house she shared with her best friends. She rose an eyebrow, as if to ask what all of them were doing asleep at 9:00 on a Friday. She found the idea completely obsurd, and broke out in giggles.

She stopped suddenly, hearing a soft shuffle in the living room. She slowly walked towards it and glanced around cautiously. Seeing nothing, she walked in casually and jumped on the couch, flicking on the TV as she did so.

She felt something cold grip her shoulders and she stiffened.

Before she could even get a glance of the person, she was tackled to the floor and the lights were thrown on.

"SURPRISE!"

>>

tell me what you think..
I think i've lost my writing touch.
gahh...
11:16.
four minutes.
I should go.
or not...
meh.
i should.
buh biess. =D

Tue, 21 Nov 2006 16:20:53 GMT

Hello peoples.
I'm in cyber Arts class once again =P
And I'm half working...
half posting..
meh.
We're doing flashMX videos.
and I've already done that vaquely..
so its half boring and half fun.
Oh god.
Guess what?
I have my little red friend today.
Lol.
God.
I hate the fact that out of the two men,
women have to suffer mother nature..
cough cough.
Then again.
It's not like they can actually handle it,
the men I mean.

XD

I should really stop talking about that..

I broke my ear phones yesterday *sob*
I have to go buy new ones.
Right now im using my sister's cheap earphones.
The stupid kind, that make the music sound like really bad quality,
and its not LOUD enough.
God.
Nicole... my other friend,
she said that she'd lend me her big headphones,
like the DJ kind,
at lunch..
So I guess I'm happy.

@__@
It's only 10:30..
Class doesnt end til like
11:20
Jesus, what am I gonna do for that long.
I have a limited attention spand.
lol
...

Yay
I just flash animated.
God its so simple..
but its boooringg @__@
It's only been like 10 minutes.
its like 10:40 now
fck man.

back to work I go.

*random insert... cause im listening to the vocals of Gerard Way, Drums of Bob Bryar, Bass Of Mikey Way, and Guitar of Ray and Frank... thats right. MCR*

&& sister, im not much a poet,
but a criminal and you never had a chance,
love it or leave it,
you can't understand,
a pretty face but you do so carry
on and on and on and onnnnn&&

&&Gimme all your poison..
gimme all your pils,
you're running after something that you'll
never kill
if this is what you want,
then fire at will&&

...im crazy.
obsessed?
i cant tell anymore.
theres a fine like
and OHHH
looky.
its 10:50.
@__@ this class will never end....
EVERRRr

FINALLY...
It's 11:00...
20 minutes yessshh.
back to work I go.

11:03.
Vikki..
this girl in my class..
just asked for my earphones..
and I was all
"But im listening to muussicc!!"
she was "only five minutes, please!"
and this girl next to me was all,
Ugh... "Don't give her earphones."
I was all "Whatever. Here Vikki."
and I gave her the earphones..
then the girl next to me was all
"Listen, never give vikki stuff, she never gives it back."
Me: she has too, because she knows I need them.
Girl: but she never gives them back
Me: I dont know if she's like that with you, but shes not like taht with me.
Girl: but she-
Me: listen, if you and vikki have issues, keep it between you and vikki, cause I'm not apart of that and I'm her friend

god.
all these kids are always preaching about how bullying was bad,
and holy fuck!
that was bullying right there.
when she was all "dont give vikki the earphones."
k...when you make me do something to make someone else feel bad,
even if its for effing revenge or w/e
its fucking bullying.
god.
...the girl next to me..
has such a cake face...
@__@ she loads on the makeup
i swear.
... i dont know how people can do that.
i only do eyeliner and lippy gloss (most of the times i prefer chap stick though)
so yeah..
ugh.

11:10...
10 minutes.
im effing hungry.
gahhh...
hungryyy
my fingers are freezing..
my lips are like mad crazy dry..
i need lippy gloss
but its in my locker
usually i'd ask the girl next to me for some,
but after that stunt.
aw, hell no.
im never going to have a friendly conversation with her.
it'll only be civil.
i'll probably like have someone with me,
to make sure i dont explode on her...
LOL.

Yes..
so i wonder if you guys heard of the new fall out boy songs?
The songs are like... in new style,
but i find them really awesome =D
The album is coming out Feb.6 2007
if you go to their page:
http://falloutboyrock.com
you'll hear one of their two songs released,
its called "The Carpal Tunnel Of Love."
the other one, its so kewll...!! =D
It's called
"This Aint A Scene, It's an arms race"

Ive already like memorized the lyrics...
they're soo awesome!!
"We take sour sips, from life's lush lips, and we shake shake shake the hips, in relationships"
"i am the arms bearer, fitting you, with weapons in the form of words, and I dont really caaare, which siddee winnss, as long as the room keeps singing thats just the buisness im in.....! this aint a scene its a god damn arms race, this aint a scene its a god damn arms race, im not a shoulder to cry on, but I digress! I am a leading man, and the lies we weave are oh so intricate, oh so intricate!"

im in love with their music.
i seriously am.
~__~
One minute.
That went by fast.
I'll think I'll post now.
bYESSS. FEWD!

Wtf...?

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 16:22:44 GMT

Kay.
I'm seriously fcking depressed...
i dunno.
i think it's myspace's fault...
well i can't actually blame them..
everyone like forgot me *sigh*
Maybe I'm just not as social as I would like to think.

Infact,
my family and various people
have been complaining that im nothing but an anti social freak.
then again...
it's my fault right?
I mean, I'm the one who chooses to not talk to people,
to stay quiet,
because im afraid to talk...

Despite what I say,
I really am insecure.
I think about what other people think of me,
But its weird.
because I manage to not care what they think.
I'm confused.
I don't know what the fuck im feeling.
God all of this fucking angst is pissing me off.
All my life has been nothing but FUCKING ANGST.

....
yeah im in cyber arts class right now..
i have about 15 minutes..
and nothing to do.
no music to listen to cause i ran out of batteries.
oh and im getting like a 53 in geo, for the first time ever...
...and i couldn't add some new fall out boy songs, cause i couldn't find my damned mp3 wire.
god.
i miss livejournal..
i havnen't been on here in awhile..
i needed a good rant..
myspace...
just doesnt do it for me.
because no one bothers to talk to me.
and im stupid, cause i only trust a few people.
and my common sense tells me...
why have a bunch of people i dont know on my list...
that i probably dont know...
and this makes me realize..
wtf am i doing trying to add FAll OUT BOY
to my friends list?

gah....
i should just wait til they reject my friend thing, lol.
meh.
the things you do when your bored.

5 mins...
five. fucking. minutes.
and im still bored.
i better go.
no one's realized that Ive been on livejournal for awhile now..
XD
probably because im in an isolated corner,
where i happened to put myself.
hot damn.
i really am anti-social. lol.

I wonder if my nicky will read this?
we haven't talked in a whlie.
and i think im being a bad friend to her..
@__@
i should talk to her.
NICKY IF YOUR READING THIS, I STILL LOVE YOU. <3
purple hearts.
=D
FOUR MINUTES.

god. fucking damn it.

hey i notice that all my other friends,
are really popular on myspace.
lmao.
on my account i have like... THREE friends.
lmao.
but ever since i changed my account..
i have ONE

check me out? if your bored...

http://myspace.com/clandestineromance

yes. that does say Clandestine Romance.
I also have three new emails..
i made them cause I was happy..
Im weird.
dont try to understand me =P

two minutes.

um...
my new ones are...
desperatine@hotmail.com
clandestine.desperatine@hotmail.com
and a secret one i shouldn't be putting..
but will because I'm stupid...
its called:
clandestine.romance@hotmail.com.

wow.i bet you never saw THAT coming.

one minute.

yes. i am obsessed with fall out boy.
my friend made me admit that.
and she also pointed out the fact that..
i know almost every fall out boy song..
known to man kind.
then she said that i like sucky bands.
w/e.
i'll listen to whatever the hell i want,.
as long as i like it,
who cares if you like it <3

well i g2g... bells gonna ring soon.
byes..
need to buy batteries SOON.

Tonight I know I won't be able to breathe

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 01:31:38 GMT

My mom just subtly hinted that she in fact hated me and that I was always trying to overrule her.
What the fuck am I supposed to do when all she does is fucking put me down?
Does she really expect me to take that fucking shit from her?
I think she forgets that I was raised to fight for MYSELF and MY BELIEFS.
But no.
To her im some fucking 'jackass' who 'never knows anything' Ever.
Apparently I always question her methods of her parenting.
News Flash mom!
You hardly fucking raised me.
You were always working. ALWAYs.
I was home with my two sisters and my grandmother,
who in fact raised me quite nice.
I actually listen to her more than I do my own mom.

I think my mother still refers to me as an insignificant five year old,
who as a matter a fact, knows nothing more than she does.
I wasn't the one who didn't finish high school here.
She thinks that just because she is the parent, I will fucking obey her
every whim.
That no matter what she'll do, I'll always come crawling back.
If that's the way she'll always think,
I'm sorry to say this,
but I'm going to fucking leave in two to four fucking years.

Seriously.
I have it all planned.
Me and [[my wifey]] plan to leave as soon as she turns 18, shes only two months younger than I am,
and we've decided we'll be moving to a different city, probably FAR from here,
and rent an apartment together.
I have it set already. I've been set on this for a year and a half now,
and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

I'm fucking tired of treating me like fucking shit.
She was muderous to me when I wouldnt be a perfect little girl.
I'm still such a fucking tomboy and I know she hates it.
I've decided to stop fighting against her.
That I only fuel her fucking fire.
The next time she decides to be unhuman to me,
I'm just going to stare and nodd.
When she asks a question, I'll answer as shortly as possible.
BEcause I know that she'll proabbly kill me first.

I'm tired of always trying to defend myself,
when all that all that ever proves is that I'm wrong in some fucking way.
I always loose.
Always.

I can already tell that tomorrow,
I'll be like such a loner.
No.
More like a mime. minus the jokes and acts of course.
Oh crud.
I ran out of eyeliner.

I'm leaving for New York on friday for my Grandfather's birthday.
Technically he's my Great Uncle, but w/e, in all the years I've known him
I've refered to him as Grampa.
His birthday is a effing formal event and I have to wear a dress.
My mom is probably going to be all happy towards me,
because she doesnt want the world to know our family sucks,
but hey, who cares?
I'm going to be wearing a mother fucking dress,
and I know I'm gonna fucking hate it.

You all know i'm a friggen hidden tomboy.

{{One day, you'll see, even If you got down on your knees you couldn't make me stay}}
- The All-American rejects, Night Drive.

See ya later.

= LeeAsh.

Which Came First? The Music Or the Misery?

Thu, 19 Oct 2006 23:01:28 GMT

xzIn my eyes... without music... life would be meaningless. Every little beat gets me thinking about music. I don't go anywhere without it... Everyone has their own taste in music right? Right. So when I say I like something and you say you don't, this will be my reply your mom. Okay? Great!

I'm getting sick and tired of all the 'Your music sucks, blah blah blah." I could argue that my music doesn't suck over and over again, but you know what? Who cares. As long as I like the so called 'shit' i'm listening too, I dont give a fuck about you or your music.

Anyway on to other notes... today we had a stupid geography test and I think I failed... I felt unlucky because for once I didn't listen to my mp3 player in class. Meh. Oh and apparently this girl who I was once aqquainted with is all bitchy to me. She hasn't said it to my face yet, but um.. when you lie to me and say that my friend is mad at me, when it's really you - it's called your cover is blown, you bitch. Don't flip the story around because you wanna 'stay friends' ... god. She's a possesive, EXTRA, wannabe, wannabe bitch. May she live long - on the streets.

So yeah. On a random note, I've discovered that I like hugging people, well actually, only my friends.

I just posted on MySpace... look me up if you wanna, the names BrokenTarStrings. Why? Because I always break my fucking guitar strings @__@.

I'm hungry... Tired and I should be doing my math homework... I think I'll stall and pratice my guitar. I love it so much... to bad I have to get a new one... I will forever miss my ?Tar-tar?.

??Later kids, and remember, don't take drugs! Just ask... I'll share.??

"Honey Don't think that we're gonna be alright."
-Jonezetta

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 02:22:13 GMT

Yo.
Long time no effing post. Yeah. I haven't posted in forever and if you haven't heard, dude im in my first year of grade nine and hating it.
Everyone's so uptight... fuck it. They don't wanna be crazy.. like EVER!
Me and my friends used to be so effing stupid, and have fun like tackling eachother, but everyone in highschool just wanna stand against a wall and talk.
That is so fucking NOT cool.

The girls here are either really quiet, or very social. They wear little/obsess over makeup or none at all. They're mostly incredibly girlly and talkative, incredibly girly and quiet.

They try to effing joke around.... but It all seems forced or strained. I find myself wondering why the hell i'm being such a lone wolf - well, acting of one.. I thought I'd find friends and be so effing close with them - but it's not gonna happen. It's like no one is good enough - no one will ever measure up to my friends. Its like im looking for another Ashley or Ardo or even an effing Izzy! I'm having no luck the only people that bother to hang with me do absolutely NOTHING.

Fucking hell, man.

The guys... don't even want anythign to do with me. Do I have a mother fucking desiese? Fuck. All I anted was an effing guy friend to chill with because I miss my boyzzz (they have yet to lear that I call them that behind their backs...) who would jump at the chance to play b-ball, hang at the park, play socca or ect. I guess the boys are looking for things and I think that I don't wanna have/want those things. So yeah. There goes my buddy.

I always considered myself social. Now I'm beggining to doubt that. I like to do things alone most of the times... But you know what? I'd rather be alone than fucking try for something that I know is more than hopeless.

Meh. must go. mom thinks this is hmwrk. might actually check to see if its not... BUH BI

Bored..

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 21:19:33 GMT

Yeah... when was my last post again?
I can't remember.
Well... good news!
Nikki came back =3.
Bad news... school is in two weeks.

I'm terrified, yet excited at the same time.
It's like I'm nervous,
but im like YEShh HIGHSCHOOL!
weird I know.
but if you've ever met me, that's exactly what I am: weird.

right now im extremely bored..

grr..

&&Asholee&&

Four Year Old Mystery

Sun, 06 Aug 2006 04:37:39 GMT

So it's been awhile since I've updated.
And I have like Five young kids all being soooo freaking loud at 12:31 AM in my room right now.
My cousins from NY came over for a couple days and I'm pretty okay with it.
One of them REALLY pisses me off though.
And the youngest one thats only like four, is soooo cute.

Here's a conversation between me and him.

Me: Johnny, you dont like me?
Johnny: No... I... I don't not like youu..
Me: Can I have a hug then?
Johnny: Um, um, I like you, okay.

Sho cute!!!
XD.
Okay... my dad just agreed that he'll let Me, Hayad and Judy go to the movies on Monday... I wanna bring ashley. I'mm ask her later.
but shes probably already reading this.

OmG!! anne came online today!
and she's gotten me to help her to write this awesome story she cooked up.
and omg, it goes along with the order of the MCR album.
its WIKED.
Fuck-tacular.

Yeah, well Imma stop writing now..
its pretty dark in here
and these kids are starting to cause trouble..

&&Ash&&

Long Time - No See

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 04:24:48 GMT

Heeeyyy everyone =)

I think i've neglected to mention that this week is SUMMER RUSH week. A concert Wonderland was having with some really adored celebs. BUT. Last minute things happend and i couldn't get tickets anymore =(.
Needless to say - I was disappointed.

Anyhoo. This week my cousin from Winepeg is here. =)
He's totally supposed to be my fave cousin - he is. =P
Well we laughed a lot this week because of him so i guess hes still the same.
I dont think he's lost his idiotness...

...

Yeah i was just posting to make sure you all know im still alive. x)

just barely though...

Right now me and Steffani (other cousin) are debating on what movie to watch...
Oh.
This just in: it's too late to watch a movie
Well whadaya know.

She says i need some sleep.
BAH!
Me sleep?
NEEEVUUURRRR.

*two seconds later*

Zz...
I'm tired. Maybe I do need some sleep..

OOH YAHH.

Yeah so my birthday totally passed (July 9th)
and we had the wickedest bash ever.
There were cake wars, stick wars, dare devil stunts: jumping off the sidewalk, skateboard wars, trying to capture the skateboard war, shoe stealing, play fighting, piggy back riding, racing, screaming at italians, people hunting and star gazing at... NO STARS.
so basically it was actually good for once.
People stayed late for once and all my friends came.
Well..
except for Dillon.
Stupid fag.
He leaves absolutely NO way of contacting him.
I swear he lives under a freakin' rock.
He came online the day after though =P
He felt left out =( (DONT WRY DILLY, WE ALWAYS HAVE UR BDAY ^_~)

I bought some weird stuff with my birthday and I got some really KEWL gifts. I'll post pictures of them =). Some of them are really cute and thoughtful. From the most SUPRISING ppls.

Oh, and they surprised me by getting a lap top for my bday.
Kewl huh?
Yes. Nikki.
I'm on the laptop writing this as you read =).
I miss you.
Email me.
msg. me
post me a msg
ANYTHING.
*sniffles*
i just want my nikki back.

BYESSSSSSSSSS
sleepy time now///

Nikki... how is HK? nice? warm...
ASHY-Less?

Purple hearts to everyone =),
Night Night.
EVERYONE GO GET A ZWINKY. I HAVE ONE. "ashowee"
GO GET ONE.
ADD ME.
MISS ME.
=D
ZWINKIES ARE SOOO CUTE <3 Get one by clicking this =D

Asholee <3

Purple hearts

Wed, 05 Jul 2006 04:07:07 GMT

Dear Nikki [not you other ppl reading this],

I just remembered [nosy ppl reading this: gee, how forgetful] that I was totally supposed to like post you that chapter part that I got so inspired about. I shall do that now... considering I only have like 15 minutes left.... before my parents come home... SHHHH.

Trying To Find My Place

"You've disobeyed me..." Her grandfather told her. "You deserve a severe punishment... don't you think?"

The young seven year old nodded meekly, her silver eyes reflected that of fear.

"Bring me it." was all she heard him say.

She had no idea what "it" was, but she doubted she wanted to find out.

The man who her grandfather had sent grinned as he returned with some sort of mental object in his hands.

"Heat it up in the fire place... and bring the other three in here." The old man spoke gruffly, allowing a small sinister smirk to fall upon his lips. "They deserve this as well... they are going to watch each other get marked."

The other man just laughed as he heated up the metal objects. Three boys around her age filed into the room - all looking very frightened at the prescence of both men.

The red head of the four stood next to the girl, glancing at her with his cereulean eyes ever so often. The other one with the blue hair stood on the other side holding her hand, as if protecting her in some way. The last one had lavender hair. He glanced at the other three lined up nervously and looked straight ahead, completely and utterly terrified.

"You." The other man spoke finally.

He pointed to the red head.

"You first." He said, handing the metal stick to the old man.

Clutching her sleeve nervously, he - reluctantly - let go. He stepped forward and the man grabbed him and ripped his sleeve off. The metal stick inched closer and closer to his arm as he squinted his eyes shut, preparing himself for the pain.

The older man slapped him.

"Open your eyes, weakling!" He shouted.

Terrified, he opened them. Soon the metal stick had reached his arm and a painful shreik left his lips.

This repeated twice more, but with the other two boys. It was her turn next.

Tears threatening to fall, she walked forward and the man grabbed her. She kept her eyes open and watched as the metal stick grew closer and closer to her skin and then finally...

An agonizing scream was heard.

She woke up instantly sitting up. Her body dripping with sweat and her right arm pulsing terribly. She felt it.

It felt so real.

She clutched her right arm and cautiously looked at it - as if afraid of what she might accidentally see. Her crimson eyes widened at what they saw.

It was a mark, burned into her very skin. It wasn't just any mark - no, it couldn't be.

It was the same mark from her dream.

Correction.

The same mark from her nightmare.

=)
I hope you liked it nikkiiii. purple hearts too you! =)
I'll write more when I feel like it.
but im pushing my luck just being online right now.
my parents are due home any minute.
shiznit.
i gotta go.
later nikz..

p.s i hope you like the layout change. =P

love
asholee

Liar Liar

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 23:51:23 GMT

Ok. I promised I would give you all the details on DnD [dinner and dance].
So I guess I will...

I had fun... I danced alot, I tried to sit down and cool myself off, but the adrenaline kept coming.

Example:

Me: I'm going to go sit down for awhile.... *goes to sit down*

10 seconds later...

[very familiar Rupee song starts to play]

Me: OMFG!!! I HAVE TO DANCE THIS!!!! *runs to dance floor*

Yay!! I got my hugs. =)
From mostly all the people I wanted to get hugs from.
No hand shakes this time.
They tried to pull the handshake thing though... some of them..
I yelled at them for it x]

So yeah, I danced a lot and I slow danced with a lot of people...
Like Bri, Hayad, Ash, Ardo and ect... Some guys were involved in that list. XD

O.o
But at the beggining when I FINALLY got all the guys to dance...
after TONS of begging...
one of my dress straps gave away.

[readers gasp =O]

But thankfully, Ash was able to give up ten minutes of her DnD time for me <3 [I love you ashleyyyyy ^_~]
She called Ms.Reid too come fix it for me, and it was fixed...

Even though the Dnd was all good, some bad stuff happened. I'm just gonna say it involved some jealousy. No more, no less.

We laughed a lot, we signed our year books like hell and the ppl with Cameras took pictures of Moi and ppl...
ESPECIALLY when we started to slow dance.
Nice huh? [grrr...cindy...sim...izzy....grrr.]

It was all good..
If i remember anything...
I shall post it later, LOL.

<3

<3

<3

[/Asholee/]

Almost

Tue, 27 Jun 2006 15:31:02 GMT

Heylo pplz.
It's me once again...
I graduated yesterday =).
I actually wore a skirt, and curled my hair.
I got like six awards.
Only four trophies though =/.
HAH.
I finally got an honour Role.
I was the only one in the class.
O.o
I felt like I didn't even work this term....
But I got an effing honour Role...
and I got like 19 stickers (three missing) on my sticker sheet..
the sticker sheet is all my awards this year O.o.

Wait.. before I continue...

OMG NIKZ!!!! I GOT HONOUR ROLE!!!! O.o WTF??!!!

...I can't believe it...
and I read ur bloggy...
You're in HK!!!
HONK KONG.
Wow.
I wanna go. =(
I misss youuuuz.
~____~

Anyway...
back to me!!! [Niks:....*sweatdrop*]
Yeah, so I graduated yesterday, and my parents were very surprised..
Probably because I act stupid alot...
Today!!! TODAY.
Is Dinner and Dance!!!
Usually reffered to as the D 'n D...

I've already vowed to make all the guys I know... [only my close friends] dance. >=]
Weird I know.
But they've gotta dance sometime.
And they better not act like humble girls when I try to take their *manly* pictures.
It's our last year together so yeah..
and I hope they don't give me *hand shakes*...
FOR GODS SAKES!!!!!
MOST of US have known eachother for like MORE THAN two effing years.
NO MORE HANDSHAKES!!!
I WANT EFFING HUGS.
Thanks. <3

Lol. I hope they read that... actually... mebbe I should mail them..
Ah... but I think some of them internets are down or something..
and the girls are gonna be too busy getting ready for DnD to read their mail.

Hey... I just saw Paully and Jeffy in the hallway.
They waved.
For once.
What is up with that nodding thing???!! It kinda gets annoying...
but I kinda do it sometimes too XD.

OOOOoooooooooh.
I think I got inspired over the weeked for Trying To Find My Place!!
Nikky will be so happy... I can see her grinning already =]!
I think I'll write some of it here, since I have 15 more mins till lunch, and before I go home...

...I was going to write something.. but I started to read my old chapters... and I got so caught up in like looking for details...

Now it' slike 11:29....

I g2g...

sry nikz!! I'll post the preview thingy today/tonight..
lates.
LUNCH!!!!

hungry

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 15:19:25 GMT

I have P!ATD stuck in my effing head.
** Isn't this exactly where you'd like me,
I'm exactly where you like me to be,
praying for love in a lap dance,
and paying in naivety, oh! **

Ah.. they rock..
they've been like my fave band 2 years in a row =).
anywhooo

we have to bring to songs to class today, and the lyrics for it too... then we have to show the class.
but im a bit skeptic about the whole thing.
yeah because linkin park is like my fave band... they think i'll only bring pure rock.
what friggen idiots.

but i decided on AAR - can't take it, P!ATD - but it's better if you do and, JEW - Work.

wheee....

** work and play are never okay, to mix the way we do**

WHHHHHHHHHHHHHE....

I actually had a decent convo with the person I hate... maybe I don't really hate him anymore...
I've learned alot about that kid... he's okay....
not great.
but okay.

we got out DnD tickes (well I did anyway)
and i'm at table #15... weird...
but anyway....

Cindy.L is my date to DnD LOL.
I said the guys would be to icky to go with and Cindy.L said she'd go with me, lol.

Reiaz is currently copying work that he's not supposed too..
what a weird idiot.

ah... we have 12 minutes of class left..
im so effing bored.
bored.
bored.
HA! Omar didn't know that Greenday was a band...
what an idiot =/

bored again.
omar just asked me for a fact about comps.
i told him to never download unknown files...
kay... my life is boring now..
.10 minutes!!!
..........
i really should be doing my unfinished comp work.
but I wanna do it at home..
im too lazy to do it HERE.
heyyy we have a ACTout party today.

It was this thing I joined that was supposed to demote drugs and stuff but yeah... we did some preformances... i did a poem..
i'll remind myself to post it one day...

it was about smoking.
that day dilly said I did good.
Izzy said that I talk to fast.
...well I was nervous so yeah.
8 more minutes!

what shall I do with the minutes left?
im so effing bored..

OMG.
I saw the new P!ATD video "But it's better if you do"
its hilarious! and Brendon Urie (the lead singer) makes it totally obvious that he has LSS (lead singer syndrome) =)
but it's okay brendon, we still love you.

7 minutes! gasp!

whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...........
wait.
i just realized something.
AAR (all american rejects) is a rock band... right.
but the song "I can't take it" kinda sounds POP/Classical..
sorta like the BSB (backstreet boys) ....
that would probably make it pop right?
...grr...
i'll ask my teacher later...

FIVE MINUTES BITCHES.
FIVE.

haha... that reminds me of Tim deegan.
we went downtown and saw him three times.
and when my friend told my other friends we saw him, i went:
"THREE TIMES BITCHIES! THREE TIMES!! .... THREE!"
XD...
yeah.
i know im eccentric
live with it.

3 more minutes..
ohhh.. gerardo stopped by to watch omar.
he gave me the van helsing dvd today =)
i suspect they're all reading right now..
but whatever..

i'll go now..
i have about two minutes left...

laaaaaaaaater.

=)

...

....

.....

......

.......

........

Bye.

again.

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 14:58:01 GMT

I'm borrrrrreeeeeeeeeeed...

Me: Reiaz say something.
Reiaz: What?
Me: Say something.
Reiaz: What?
Me: anything.
Reiaz: what do you want me to say?

O.o
...I didn't think it'd be that hard..
but i may be wrong sometimes...
SOME times.
boreeeddddd

i shall go away again...

Back?

Mon, 19 Jun 2006 14:54:24 GMT

Heylo peoples.
Sry I've been gone long..
just wanted to update quicky...
we have a comp test... and i finished it last class..
so now im bored.
i have a book to read...
just being bored..
oh look..
omar's finished.. or at least i think so...

i'll leave now..
just making sure you dont think im dead.......
wheeee...

<3<3<3

Mon, 05 Jun 2006 15:17:40 GMT

Yeah.
I have good news and bad news again.
Lemme rock paper sissors it...
Kay, good news won.

Um, I went to wonderland and saw very hott guy...
he went on the same water ride with me and was wearing white shirt
he had nice abs.
I got candy High and still have candy.

Bad news.
I miss my 'tar...
i need to buy 'tar strings @___@
Oh.
Theres more bad news,
but i can't write it here.

These ppl might be reading my fcking LJ because I'm in comps class right now.
Reiaz is doing some stupidness on msn XD
Him and omar and adding RANDOM hotmail addresses to their msn.
He added gaylord_23@hotmail.com
and at that same moment osmeone came on and we thought it might be the gaylord guy XD but thankfully it wasnt.
Now they're messing around with Smarter Child.
and Branson told me this strategy for Smarter Child, but I can't remember what is what.

We had freaking gym this morn and we played soccer.
I hardly got the ball.
But when I did, it involved me getting some kind of minor injury.
Stupid K
He kicked my damned foot!

O.o
Reiaz has some kind of fortune telling comp. thing...
weirdo.

It's only 11:09,
we have free time today...
And I'm bored.

Haha.Reiaz just asked the fortune telling thing if he would fail and it said "most likely"
Ha.
I could've told him that XD

This has got to be the longest entry..
next to my chapter entries, of course.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeirdooosssssss.
I swear.
O.o

I'm hungry.
Mebbe I'll go read now.
Im outz, my biatches.
LOL.
That reminds me, one of the spelling words for the national spelling bee sounds like "Biatch" XD.

I'm going to go now.
Lemme quote ppl, before I leave.

For the record I just said their names and said
Me - "Say Something."
Omar - "Hey."
Reiaz - "What?"
Jaques - "Why?"
Branson - "No."
Brian - "You're gay." How. Rude.
Nicholas - "What?"

Weird ppls...

Kay i'm out bitches.
Lates.

P.S OMG KAI YOU JERK WAD!!! @__@ CALL MOI.I SOOOOO KNOW YOURE READING THIS SHIT. SO CALL!

xxHaloxInxHellxx

Thu, 25 May 2006 20:04:05 GMT

that [points up] is another name i've come up with XD

Devils_Advocate92
Uscarme4lyfe
Bloody Shadows
Ashowee

and now

xxhaloxinxhellxx

I dunno.. but it looks ok.

Pardon that link on my page...
It's there because I had to save it somewhere quick for comp class, and it just so happens that my live journal was open at the time =).

...^_^U

Wed, 24 May 2006 15:26:36 GMT

http://www.ncwiseowl.org/kscope/techknowpark/FreeFall/ShoppingSpree.html#

=) First Letters Back

Wed, 24 May 2006 15:15:00 GMT

Like OMG.
Lol.

Yeah so I emailed my "Pop Tarts" to look here for the emails I write during compy class =)

I think I'm failing...
Maybe I should just hand in the incompleted work late...
It's currently 11:12
Class ends at fcking 11:30
Wheee...
I have nothing to write..
I'm hungry.
and OMG
GOSSIP GIRL: Nobody Does It Better
is soooo fcking awesome..

later..
we have like 15 more mins...
Imma die..
so hungry,,,

love y'all

Stealing My Thunder..

Mon, 22 May 2006 14:12:14 GMT

Wheee..
I haven't posted in like...
A week?
Well not exactly,
mebbe a couple of days.
But I've been lazy.
I have work to finish and
We're going to wonderland today @___@.
Talk about procrastination.
I really have to stop this.

I'm trying to call my friend
because she wanted to go to wonderland with me,
but she isn't answering her phone...
and she's never home..
there's another friend I wanna take with me,
but I totally forgot her number -_-"
I'm soooooo organized...
Am I not?

Its only like ten AM so I dont have much to do.
I'm currently playing maple story... which is very boring...
Well sort of.
No one's online..
But who would expect anyone to be online?
It's no skewl day, being Vicky Day,
so therefore everyone is most likely asleep.

So yeah.

I just thought I should write in my journal.

One more thing.
...I think Chris is hott XD.
Shhh... dont tell him though, lol.
Just joking..

Later dayz folks.

WONDERLANND!!

Soakin' Wet

Tue, 16 May 2006 21:32:01 GMT

Yeah.
I changed the layout again...
I just can't seem to settle on anything.
I want a picture with all of this.
but nothing seems to fit.

Im bored.

On towards other info.
It was POURING today outside.
And I loved it.
Because I absolutely LOVE the rain.
Too bad it didn't last long.

My mom hold's a mother fucking grudge forever.
It would explain a lot of things if that was the case.
She's mad because she thinks I didn't tell her happy mothers day.
Truth is, I did tell her.
The question is, did she hear me?
I doubt she did, if shes claiming I didn't tell her.

Shes mad because I'd choose my friends over her anyday.
It's her own fault.
If I video taped everything she ever did to me without a fucking reason,
and showed her, maybe she'd get that she was practically fucking neglecting me for about 6 years.
She blew up on me when she saw my room.
It's normal for a teenager to have a fucking messy room.
I'm not that normal for a teenager, so at least im doing something normal, right?
but nah.
nothing's ever good enough for them.
Nothing.
She's always looking for mistakes I make.
And she's she's always too busy looking at my mistakes to tell me,
GOOD JOB ASH, YOUR SOOOOO CLOSE TO HONOUR ROLE.
Or maybe that time i got straight As,
YOU GOT STRAIGHT As!! CONGRAGULATIONS.

But you know what I got instead?
"Oh."
I waited to see if anything else might come after but all I got was.
"Go clean your blasted room."

So in my opinion,
I'm glad she didn't hear me tell her Happy Mothers Day.
Because she doesn't deserve it.

I'm trying to find ways to not cry.

Just because I wasn't cleaning my room with a pleased mind (who fucking does that?)
I can't go to the movies I set up with my two best friends.
Oh. And Wonderland on Sunday is officially cancelled.

Am I supposed to learn something from all of this?
Maybe.
I dont know.
For now I'll do everything I'm asked.
But completely ignore her.
If and when I need her to do something for me.
I'll write it on paper.

The end.

Oh.
I like that guy I supposedly hate,
I think.
But who cares.
It's not like it matters.

Later. <3

Re-obsessed.

Mon, 15 May 2006 00:37:26 GMT

Nothing's wrong with me today.
I actually am not behind anywork.
My room is actually clean.
My clothes are folded and packed, for some strange reason.
The Petit Project is blasting on my speakers.
I'm about to attempt Geography homework, and finish before 2maro... Not due til tuesday and about to do a lastminute Science title page.
I'm currently revamping my mp3 list.

I just asked Vidal (my bestest buddy) for some songs and he replies with:
Vidal: im the shake-ur-ass and other-rock-ppl-you-dont-know kinda person
Vidal: youre the smashing heads on walls screamming kinda rocker chick

Yep. What an idiot. How many times have we gone through me liking lotsa different types of music? Many times. How many times does he get the information through that head of his? Zero.

I replied with:

Me: @__@
Me: must we go through this again
Me: Im asking for fleeping "shake that thang" kinda music at the moment.

the reply I get is:
Vidal: oh...
Vidal: why didnt you say so?

Yep. Isn't that wonderful?

I am currently reacting badly to Class OF the Titan withdrawl... I must watch the show.
Neil is ultimately sexy.
Archie is schorchin',
Harry is cute =) and
Jay is... *sigh... dreamy eyes*

I started a story about them... It's cute. It's based on teh show too.
In this story, Neil's obsessive ways with his looks get him no where with this girl who supposedly is starting to fall for him.
Of course our hotness Neil falls for her too.
In the end you all can guess what happens. =)

Well you cant?
Too bad.

Kk... I was kinda bored... and I wrote this:

Like the other night,
under the moonlight,
into the dark side,
where there is no light,
I've been drawn back into a trap,
smothered, and covered all over in black,
and I have to say, if my chances are right,
I may walk away with a secret tonight.

A secret meant to be told.

Begin with your head in place,
I'm not going to find it for you and when you face,
all your worst fears,
dripping from your tears,
drinking up your pride,
telling you to hide,
I'll be right outside the door,
waiting out the storm,
I have no reason to wait for you.
I'm turning away and backing from your noose.

The rain is falling from the heavens,
I can hear them calling,
The sirens pulling me in,
back to the beginning,
where I am afraid and lost,
where I can't talk,
I have no say,
but to walk away,
I can't tell you how much,
my doubt
has killed you already.
and If my chances are right,
I'll walk away with a secret tonight.

One that I can hold.

Begin with your head in place,
I'm not going to find it for you and when you face,
all your worst fears,
dripping from your tears,
drinking up your pride,
telling you to hide,
I'll be right outside the door,
waiting out the storm,
I have no reason to wait for you.
I'm turning away and backing from your noose.

You've hung me too high,
I've got to confide,
In a nothingness I never knew,
It's not something I usually do,
but just for the record,
there is no you.

If you can guess. It's about a guy. ...
Take what you will from it...
but there's more.

Hello, this is my jealousy calling you,
its time I set back and lay out the truth,
this is not competition, hun, this is no truce,
this is friendship, not war, unhang me from this noose.

Over and over and over again.
Repeat now.
Over and over and over again.
I said repeat it.
Over and over... and over again.

Down the street some more we walk,
I'll listen, you talk.
I can hear everything about so and so,
and I have to let it out that my jealousy is letting go.
I need to leave this place, or we'll never know.
I have to go,
I have to go,
I have to

She says that they're only best friends,
I can see it in her eyes, it's not just time they spend,
Her tales they always seem to have a twist,
and I'm sure that there's something I've definately missed.
But I have to let it go,
this feeling taking control...

Over and over and over again.
Repeat now.
Over and Over and Over again.
I said repeat it.
Over and Over.... and over again.

Down the street some more we walk,
I listen, you talk.
I can hear everything about so and so,
and I have to let it out that my jealousy is letting go.
I need to leave this place, or we'll never know.
I have to go,
I have to go,
I have to

Over and over and over again.
Repeat now.
Over and Over and Over again.
I said repeat it.
Over and Over.... and over again.
Repeat it for me,
Over and over-
oh screw it.

It's not working anymore.
I'm going to ignore,
Jealousy's knocking on this door,
saying hey, I'll give you something more.

Over and over again.
They lie.
They seem like more than friends.

Now you all can guess what the hell that is.

there's another one that I got inspired from My Chemical Romance's line in "Honey This Mirror isn't big enough for the both of us" which goes "were not working out, we're nore working out..."

but i didn't write it.

I gotta go.
I have songs to add.
Books to read.
and A life to get.

Later.

40 More minutes.

Sat, 13 May 2006 03:28:05 GMT

MEh. If it were up to me.
I would've posted the whole convo on MSN I'm having with my buddies.
It's kind of weird.
Because we're all freaks.
...but I'm not getting into that.

So today was the usual.
Classes... funny jokes.... depression... etc.
But the only difference was that
I saw him.
I know it's freaky.
But he kinda ... smiled.
and I seriously looked around and when I looked back,
he was laughing at me.

Too bad that only happens in my dreams
Or maybe that happened today and I dont feel like sharing.

I just got readdicted to Shawn Desmond's old songs and
Christina Millian's "dip it low"...

I must say... I have many hot friends.
I'm never going to say that to their face though.
Maybe indirectly.
But not directly.
That would boost their ego's even more...

Da... don't know what to talk about...
Other than Neil stealing my cookie again..
oh and my fwend walked in my house in boxers and a wife beater and started raiding the fridge.
i asked him what the hell he was doing here at like half past nine and he was all like.
fck off ashley.
can you feel the love?
he looked kinda hot.
before I recognized him I was like, kewl, hot guy walking in my house.
but it went down the drain when I realized it was actually Chris...
the joys.

Half an hour more til Ashley.H's birthday..

whee...
must reply to them before they think I'm dead..

later pplz.